Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
