the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
