Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
