Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
