Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
