My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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