Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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