I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
