She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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