You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
