I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
