Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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