drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
