Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
