porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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