We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
