worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
