1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
