I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
