if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
