I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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