She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
