i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
