I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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