It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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