I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
