You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
