I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
