she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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