dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
