I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
