oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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