i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just blew my weed a kiss
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
