Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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