i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
