4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
