i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
