Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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