if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
