I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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