This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
