I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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