high people should be assigned attendants
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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