You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
