I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
