she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
