god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
