Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
