Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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