Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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