Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
